Relentless.

i swear i still see you.
i swear i still hear your laughter                                                       
in the next room
giggling to a show on netflix
when we’re both supposed to be asleep.
 
i swear i still react to
your nagging, begging me to wake up
in time for my morning exam.
i swear we still talk to each other
and take selfies together
storing them away as blackmail
for the future.
 
but now there is no future.
now the sun blinds me because
you’re not there to block it.
now there's only one toothbrush
in the bathroom
and one voice echoing through this apartment.
 
i asked you to wait for me
to visit you in chicago,
assuming you had a choice.
i'll be there, watching you quietly
mourning you
celebrating you
praying that you’re in good hands.
 
for reality’s truck hasn’t
hit me yet
and i still swear you’re here,
gazing at the moonlit night
playing life’s relentless game.